Awkward Moment #1

The awkward moment when God takes you seriously.

You know you say to God things like

“Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see Jesus”

But

Isn't that just me singing about him? It’s not supposed to be about me is it?

When I sing “Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see Jesus” I don’t mean take me to a place where I have nothing left BUT Jesus. I don’t mean take me to a place where Jesus would hang out, like with the down and out types. I don’t mean open the eyes of my heart so that I can see myself without my self-congratulating, I’m a pretty good Christian filter, because that’s unbearable.

What I mean is “Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see Jesus” right now, when the music is playing and I’m thinking about all that Jesus did for me and it gives me a warm feeling in my tummy. I mean “Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see Jesus” and think about how Jesus has made my life better, how I am one of the lucky ones.

Ohh that didn’t feel good to write, but its true *ashamed*

I CERTAINLY don’t mean “Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see Jesus” who is the man lying alone on the street dying, that’s not seeing Jesus is it? Jesus isn't the little girl locked in a room waiting for her next abuser, whispering a silent prayer that someone… anyone will come to protect her is he?

I don’t want to see that on a Sunday morning. Don’t take me so seriously.