So I went for a walk today. Imagine me, if you will, with my Lorna Janes on, striding forth listening to my worship playlist, my Fitbit recording every blessed step. Or you could imagine me trudging/waddling along mumbling to myself and resenting the perfection of my neighbour’s lawn. I’ll leave it to you.
Either way, I did go for a walk. As per my usual arrangement with God my walk commenced with my top 10 whinges for today. And on this day, number one on my list was what the heck am I going to write about on this stupid 30 day challenge I’ve set myself? I mean what were you thinking God when you let me set myself up this way?!
I had started to write this blog about children.
Obviously the super christian in me wanted to quote Jesus in this verse:
Matthew 18 New International Version (NIV)
The Greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.
So I pondered. What does he mean “become like little children?”
Does he mean we should stand there fiddling with ourselves, picking our nose, waiting for him to cut the crusts off our toast?
Does he mean we should throw ourselves on the ground and scream because he didn’t give us what we wanted?
Does he mean we should hold onto the first word we learnt….. “mine”…?
I’m guessing not.
But I wasn’t sure I understood what he did mean. So as a last resort, in pure desperation, I asked him. On my walk in the burbs I mumbled under my breath... “So what did you mean?”. Naturally after asking this question I swiftly moved onto the reaming 9 items on my whinge list.
As I walked/trudged along my mind wandered. I started to think about one of my favourite topics, my children. My heart skipped a beat as my mind fell onto a memory of my eldest son, Lawson.
On Lawson’s first birthday I tried and tried and tried but I just couldn’t buy him a birthday card. Looking back I’m not sure that buying a card for a one year old is that essential, but with my first born, on his first birthday it seemed like a parenting fail. Why couldn’t I buy him a card? I searched and searched but there was no card created in the known universe that came close to expressing what I wanted to say to my son on his first birthday. There were no words that could capture my overwhelming love for him.
I vividly remember that day. I sat there looking at him sitting in his play pen. Yes. We had a jail/play pen, purely so I could keep him safe and sound while I did the ironing (snort).
Anyhoo, I was sitting there watching him and my adoring gaze fell upon the back of his neck. My breath left me, and I gasped at how much I loved the soft curve of his neck, the smell of him, the purity and innocence of him took my breath away. It was so overwhelming, it was like I could only bear to take in that small part of him, because if I were to linger any longer, if I were to delve further into my love for him I might expire.
“That’s what I meant.” He said.
“That’s how I want you to come to me. Knowing that I love you like that.”
“Let me lift you out of your play pen. Yes, you may have to let go of some toys, but let me lift you into my arms, let me swing you around where your legs have no footings, that I might breath you in. Trust me, I love you.”
Or something like that.
Gotcha. Become like little children…