I Googled Jesus today.

Desperate times.

I’m trying to find him, have you seen him?

Cos today my brain let a tiny sliver of empty space into my conscious thoughts = dangerous.

You know, that dreaded naked space that occasionally appears when you haven’t escaped into an alternate reality and you think, what the heck is this life?

I slowed down just long enough to remember some of those bible verses I learned as a kid about giving to others, and trusting God, and following Jesus and I start to feel annoyed that Jesus seems to be AWOL… what…?... didn’t he hang around while I invested quality time into Netflix?

I expect him to be front and centre, on Sundays of all days!

So, I Googled him, and was relieved to find he is on Wikipedia. He also has some profile pictures of him looking like he could be on a shampoo advertisement, which is comforting.

I’d like to follow Jesus, really, I would. But he’s not on social media, which makes it difficult.

Why doesn’t he have a Facebook profile? Imagine the tribe he could generate, the likes, the filters, the hashtags!!! THE MEMES!!!

If he is not on social media, how can he stay relevant?

Where is he?

I try and distract myself by being annoyed at my husband, which works quite well actually, but eventually my long-suffering life mate finds solace in cleaning the toilets, a blissful alternative to listening to my barrage of complaints.


Maybe Jesus is in the fridge. I better investigate. Hmmmm… he’s not there, but I do find many Jesus alternatives, things that make me feel better, perhaps I don’t need Jesus after all.

Tragically my tasty Jesus alternatives only satisfy briefly, and somehow my longing for him is only made deeper.

Where is he?

Hellooo Jesus…! though I walk through the shadow of my own selfishness I expect you to be there! Hellooo…! footprints in the sand?!... I don’t care how weighed down by my own excess I am, you are supposed to be carrying me dude! That’s the deal, right? I ‘accept you’ into my heart and you carry my heavy burden?

You must be stoked.

Like the Bec paraphrased version says

 “And surely, I am with you always, relax and kick back Bec, I’ve got this.” - God

In a last-ditch attempt, I’m going to go looking for you at Church, surely you are there, you know, where 2 or more are gathered and all that.

So, you better rock up Jesus, cos I’m coming to visit. I need a top up. You in?


Ps. Sorry Jesus, God, Spirit dude, I know you are there, I just need to fall on my knees, which is hard to do in my skinny jeans.

Pps. Just jks, as if I have skinny jeans!